Alias

Today I am in Chicago, officiating a wedding for our friends Monaca and Ari. This post is in honor of them because Monaca is an Alias freak. When I say “freak”, I mean it. She’s worse than a Trekkie touring Area 51.

Alias: what can one say about this show? I think the highlight for me is when the end credits roll. There’s a song they play that goes “duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh”. You know the one. I like it because I do a little dance there that tends to, uh, stick in people’s minds like, uh, a blood-sucking tick.

My favorite character is Marshall. I would like to be Marshall cuz he’s funny and dorky and geniussy and just so darn cute. And I’m not really any of those things at all. Except for dorky and, uh, dorky.

I’d also like to be Jack, but would not be able to pull it off cuz I’m just not tough enough. I couldn’t be Michael cuz I’m not RED HOT. I couldn’t be Dixon cuz I’m, uh, extremely white. I couldn’t be Sloane , cuz he’s the Antichrist (and I tend, as a minister, to be Pro-Christ). I do realize I look a lot like Sloane, which sends a chill up my tibia. Maybe, if they launch a sixth season--where we find out that none of them really died (OH MY GOODNESS! WHAT A SHOCK! NEVER SAW THAT ONE COMING!)--I could be the third Sloane. That would make me Arvin Clone, Jr.

I remember the summer Monaca introduced us to Alias. When she found out that we hadn’t ever seen it, she had her friend Wendy bring the DVDs from the US. We spent hours watching in the dimness of the living room (where we kept the big window grate perpetually closed that summer to keep out the heat). Only when the ending of an episode wasn’t too startling did we manage to drag ourselves to bed.

One of the things I loved about watching Alias was the endless parade of hairstyles. At one point I really want my hair cut like the wig she wore in some alley scene (it was red and flippy) but that dream never worked out for me. Maybe I just need to get my hands on that wig.

The thing about Alias is that half the time you don’t know whether to love or hate half the characters. Is Jack doing the right thing, or does he have some ulterior motive? Is Sloane really repentant? Can Irina ever become a loving mother? Even Sidney makes you want to smack her at times. Pretty much the only consistently lovable one is Marshall. There is also the very annoying “so-and-so is dead. No they aren’t. Yes they are…” And so it goes.

Half the Alias experience for me is watching it with Troy. From his little Alias “dance” to his snarky comments about every other mission taking place in a club, I’m sure it wouldn’t be quite the same watching it without him.