Friday, January 4, 2008


I very rarely eat cereal for breakfast. If I eat it, it’s much more likely to be for dinner. My boys, on the other hand, and Meg to some extent, are cereal aficionados. I am a mean Mom and have resorted to making them eat corn flakes (and not even the Kelloggs kind) during the week. On the weekend they get Golden Grahams, Honey cheerios (they don’t make any other kind in Spain) and very occasionally, chocolate rice Krispies (again, the generic kind). I don’t do it to be mean, it’s just the cost of cereal was killing me.

Nic is a very unlikely boy when it comes to cereal consumption, because when he was little, his favorite cereal was Special K. Even now he’ll eat generic bran flakes. He is one weird boy.

One summer when we were back in the US, Troy and I stood in the cereal aisle and tried, fairly unsuccessfully, to talk the kids into buying a box of sugar cereal. We figured we owed it to them to make up for their cereal deprivation in Spain. They seriously were not interested. They were, however, interested in flavored oatmeal. They love oatmeal. Nic still eats it almost every day, and not always at breakfast.

I think my absolute favorite cereal is Frosted Mini Wheats. I also like Raisin Bran, and Rice Krispies with sliced bananas. And I’m slightly ashamed to say that I like Apple Jacks too. Even though I think the old commercials are dumb.

Heather takes her sushi seriously and I take cereal seriously.

Here are some guidelines:

First, please heed this list of Troy-Approved Cereals.
  • Cap’n Crunch
  • Lucky Charms
  • Froot Loops
  • Trix
  • Frosted Flakes (yes, they are different than Corn-Flakes-with-sugar-added; if you were a cereal connoisseur such as myself, or “me”, you would know that.)

Two, there is nothing worse than soggy cereal. If your cereal gets mushy, you may as well be eating vomit.

Three, to avoid a Soggy Cereal Conundrum, ensure the milk is poured proximate to consumption.

Four, during the milk-pouring phase (alternately referred to as “milkage”), alert family. This lets them know that, yes, you care about them, but nothing short of The Rapture will stop you from “hoarking down” (a technical term used in cereal-eating circles) your bowl of Cap’n Crunch so please do not bother me/us (depending on how you want to refer to your multiple personality disorder) with trivial things such as (including, but not limited to)…

A. You’re pregnant.
B. You love me.
C. Can I please pick up the kids from school later because you will be out of the country? and
D. Lexi swallowed a pair of panties again so her intestines are all balled up.

Once I finish my cereal, then, and only then, will I reply:

A. Neato.
B. Thank you.
C. Do I have to? Why can’t you?
D. Good, at last we can put the intractable cur out of her misery.


Kim said...

I must agree with you, Troy. Soggy cereal is the work of the devil. In fact, I despise it so much that for awhile I stopped eating cold cereals until I remembered how much I liked it & came up with my New, Improved, Unbeatable Way to Eat Cereal (TM): instead of pouring all the cereal into the bowl at once and then drowning it in milk, I put as much milk into the bowl as I will need, and then I pour smaller amounts of cereal (as much as can be consumed before even a hint of sogginess appears--say 8-10 mouthfuls, for ex) into the milk until I've used it all up. If you feel inspired to try it, I'll temporarily suspend my copyright. :)

Shari Lau said...

You guys crack me up. I'm totally in agreement with Troy though. There are just some things you don't mess with, and cereal is one of them! :-)

Victoria said...

Comment expounded on

Anonymous said...

Oh, how you are missing the most wonderful experience by not letting your cereal meld with the milk and the sugar! Letting the three just blend together to form that wonderful mush is the epitomy of what breakfast (or any snacktime) should be. At the end of it all, when all of those cereal morsels are gone you're left with that sugary milk that can't be duplicated by just adding sugar to a glass of milk. It's just not the same.
I'm afraid this twisted taste of mine all started when I was still a wee tot who would get the end of the salad bowl that mom put her own concoction of oil and vinegar as dressing. It too was soggy but again, the flavors had time to meld into that delicious taste that can only be duplicated when you order a Blimpie sandwich with extra oil and vinegar.
Well Victoria, I'm with ya on this one, I say, let your cereal sit until the crunchies don't have that "I'm gonna scrape the insides of your mouth" consistency and see what wonderful flavors emerge.
- Toria's mom

Victoria said...