Cooking and Cleaning

Heather cooks and I clean. It has been that way since we got married. This works out well since it means…

A. Troy gets fat.

and

B. Heather’s hands are silky soft, making them the optimal texture for rubbing Troy’s dimpled tummy.

(1. Just kidding: Heather’s hands are actually as coarse as cantaloupe peeling.

2. Just kidding: My belly really isn’t as squishy as Grandma’s Jell-O Surprise.

3. Just kidding: Heather doesn’t, in actuality, rub my belly.

You pick which one of those three statements is true.)

But back to our arrangement. You’d think our little deal makes perfect sense, and that it would ensure good teamwork in the kitchen, but you’d be surprised. When we first got married, I had to be trained as to how to do my job. See, I kept cleaning things while Heather was still using them. She’d go for a cutting knife that she used just seconds before—only to find it washed and dried and put away already.

I also had to loosen up on the kitchen towel situation. She kept hanging up the towels and I kept straightening them so that they were evenly spaced and hung from the bar at equal lengths. Then she reminded me of the film “Sleeping With the Enemy” and advised me that I would, in fact, become her Enemy were I to continue with this practice and that she would, in fact, not be sleeping with me.

That quickly cured me of my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I have to say, lately my hubby has been kicking my proverbial butt in the cooking and cleaning department. When we were first married, Troy was generally the tidier and I did most of the cleaning. Except the dishes and kitchen; we agreed early on that I would cook and he would clean up. I think, after 16 ½ years of marriage, that he got the raw end of the deal.

I am supposed to do the cooking, but lately Troy has been outdoing me there when it comes to getting actual meals on the table. There is one hard-and-fast rule of cooking in our house: Troy ALWAYS makes the bacon. Other than the little bacon bits they sell here that I fry and put in the scrambled eggs, I have not cooked bacon in YEARS. Troy’s specialty meals are French toast and bacon, BT’s (bacon and tomato, we never do the lettuce) and grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup.

Funny thing about Troy is that he “putters” around the house when he is supposed to be relaxing. He says it IS relaxing to do 12 loads of laundry and mop all surfaces in the house. I tell you, it makes me tired just sitting on the couch watching him!

All joking aside, my husband is an amazing man when it comes to helping around the house. And I plan on doing a better job this year at evening out the work-load.

Right after my nap.

No, seriously. I promise.