When Leaving the House

I am not a big fan of being late, so when we have to go somewhere I usually have my ducks in a row. I tend to focus on the destination, and everything else around me fades into oblivion. (I often have to look for my shoes and my sunglasses, right when I want to be walking out the door. The shoes part is not my fault; my husband cleans up behind me in a very efficient way. The sunglasses are my fault, because they are usually either buried in my purse, already on top of my head, or set down in some random spot in the house.)

However, getting Troy out the door can be a challenge. I try and give him a countdown “We’re leaving in 10 minutes.” “We’re leaving in 5 minutes.” He always answers and says yes, while continuing to sit at his desk. Then, when it’s T-20 seconds to walk out the door, he will decide to:

• Collect the recycling to take out “on the way out” (which means we have to walk past the recycling containers on the way to the metro.)
• Take a sinus pill.
• Look all over the house for his murse, which has been hanging on the chair in the kitchen, right where he left it, the entire time.
• Clip his fingernails.
• Empty the dishwasher.
• Find his MP3 player, headphones, keys, metro pass.
• Visit the little boy’s room.
• Tidy up.
• Start a load of laundry.

I exaggerate only a little.

I like to tie up loose ends. I am NOT insane. I prefer to think of it as “conscientious”.

For example, I don’t like the recycling to pile up at home, so I make it a custom to take a little out each time I leave the house. It just so happens that I also prefer to gather the recycling just before walking out the door.

Another loose end: dishes. If there are a few cups, two spoons, a knife, two plates and a cutting board that need to be loaded into the dishwasher, I will do it at that time. It only takes, like, 43 seconds, seriously. Oh, and I may as well wipe up those bread crumbs and froth residue off the counter top, eh?

Oops. The dishwasher has clean dishes in it. I have enough time to put ‘em away, don’t I, let’s just see shall we? May as well do it while Heather gets the kids sorted and puts the dog in her kennel there aren’t that many in here really Glasses, Plates, Silverware I’m done see? Heather’s calling. Just a minute, hon. I’ll be done in a sec. Actually, I should put a load of laundry in so when we come back I can just throw it in the dryer quick. Crap, haven’t brushed my teeth yet, I really should do that now in case I meet the king or something.

Did I mention my wife still loves me? Thank you, dear.