Arachnophobia

I admit it, I am a closet fan (or not so closet since we own it) of the “thrill-omedy” Arachnophobia. I’m not overly fond of spiders, but I’d rather deal with a spider than a roach any day.

I think part of the reason I like it so much is that these spiders are a villain that everyone loves to hate, and since they aren’t human, it’s OK. And come on, John Goodman is freaking hilarious as the exterminator. Plus, the sheer number of spiders that invade is super high on the squirm scale! I also love it because it’s scary without a lot of the weird and creepy stuff that shows up in some movies today.

Personally I think this movie is best watched in a group, with people who aren’t afraid to scream at the top of their lungs. I first saw the movie at my journalism prof’s house with a bunch of my fellow journalism students. We screamed the house down and laughed until we almost wet our pants. It was one of the most fun nights of college.

And for those of you out there who are worried about the mistreatment of spiders (some people objected to the movie when it came out because it “gave spiders a bad reputation.”) you’ll be happy to know that all spiders were “herded” with hot and cold. And the honkin’ big one? It was fake.

If you have the guts, come over and watch it with me. I dare you.

Snakes and spiders have one thing in common for me: I find them both terribly fascinating but, were I to encounter one loose within 8 feet of me, I would freeze with fear.

When I lived in Texas, I saw a big hairy tarantula when I played over at my friend’s house. And this was not because he had one as a pet. No, we were just playing out back, when suddenly we saw a hairy tarantula there, stuck in the corner of my friend’s porch. My friend told us to simply walk away slowly or the spider would jump at us and bite us. That was one smart kid.

I also have heard about the brown recluse spider. Apparently this spider looks like an ordinary house spider. Its bite at first appears like a mosquito bite. But, if you let it go untreated, the subtle poison begins to eat away at your flesh and it kills you slowly but surely.

As I write this, many of the doors in our apartment are opened, allowing air to come in via our wrap-around balcony. I imagine one or two of these little varmints crawling into our house right now. And, tonight, while I’m asleep, one will bite me. I will wake in the morning, thinking it was just a mosquito bite, but, come August, I’ll be shopping for special underwear for folks that only have half a buttocks. Yeah, I guess you could say I have arachnophobia.