Superpowers

Troy and I recently started watching Heroes, so I’ve been pondering the very important question “If I were a superhero, what powers would I want/have?” I know, this kind of deep thinking is a challenge in the summer heat, but sometimes you just can’t back away from the hard thought processes, you know?

I came up with the following list of powers I would like to have if I was a superhero:

• The ability to move objects with my mind. This would come in really handy when it’s time to clean up the house.

• The ability to shrink. I would apply this immediately to all the fatty regions on my body.

• The ability to be invisible. I’d like to be able to disappear when I made a stupid comment. I’d also use it to spy on my children when I am curious about how they are acting (good, bad, cute or otherwise) when I’m not in the room.

• The ability to make others do whatever I want just by thinking it. Well, that seems pretty obvious to me!

• The ability to read minds. This one would be helpful so I would know if my children are being rebellious on the inside. It would also help me know when I should use the previous power.

• The ability to teleport. I would love to be able to flit around Madrid and back and forth across the world instantly and easily. Especially when it’s too hot/cold/rainy/I’m too lazy.
  

I would like elastic ear lobes. That way, when it rained, I wouldn’t even need an umbrella.

It would also have been nothing short of “super” if my brother had grown up with stink-free feet.

I think it would also be neat to be able to eat as many boxes of Hot Tamales as one wants with no repercussions whatsoever. On second thought, throw in slabs o’ bacon to that diet and I would be a happy camper.

Basically, when I think of superpowers, I want something that will enhance my life, make it easier. So, included in my superpower package I would like things like self-trimming toenails, self-cleaning ears, indestructible teeth, and static-length hair and beard. Also, I wouldn’t object to being able to run for as long as I want without getting tired, and the ability to retain word-for-word recall of anything I read. Related to that: I’d like any writing ideas I get to write themselves.

On a different topic: Another superpower I’d like would be the power to make people (ahem—my wife) laugh at all my jokes.

It also wouldn't hurt to have the ability to make money.